Mancunian matters of the heart: I’ve got a tiny todger… but does size matter?

Bored in the bedroom? Fretting over infidelity? Whatever your love dilemmas are, MM’s agony aunt Kim Reader has the answer.

This week, MM’s very own agony aunt hears from someone who feels their insecurities could stop them ever finding a partner. 

If you have a question for Kim, you can email us here


Dear Kim,

Unfortunately I have a very embarrassing problem that is stopping me live my life.

I have a tiny penis.

I first realised something was up when I was in high school during PE when the other boys would bully me and call me ‘little pickle’ and other more offensive, less printable names.

It was deeply traumatic but I always clung to the hope that I was just late developer and that it would grow once I hit adulthood.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. It is still only 2.8inches when erect.

I know I should accept what God gave me but I haven’t been able to. I’m 34 now and I’m still a virgin.

I’ve had sexual encounters with girls, but not for years. They were quite embarrassing and really made me worried about how girls will react when they see it.

What can I do? I suppose what I want to know is: Does size matter?

Thanks for your time.

Tiny Tim


Dear Tiny Tim,

To have been treated so cruelly by your classmates is something nobody deserves.

It is no wonder you have struggled with insecurity for so long. Embarrassment and a lack of body confidence – of any kind – can be crippling, especially in the bedroom.

Being a real stud in the sack is impossible if you are not 100% certain that you ARE sexy… and sexy is not about the size of your penis, it is a state of mind.

Some of the most confident people will have bits and pieces – whether it’s a lop-sided boob, saggy bum, big belly, hairy back or weird mole (not a third nipple) – that do not fit into the societal idea of what it is to be normal.

We all have body parts that are a bit of an odd shape, the ‘wrong’ size or not exactly how we would like them to be, but it is these quirks and imperfections that make each and every one of us unique and beautiful.

And that’s just the physical stuff. No matter what they tell you, nobody really wants the chiselled jaw-line, washboard abs and whopping willy if they come without personality, a sense of humour and a kind heart.

The first thing you need to do is try to overcome the taunts that have haunted you since childhood. Kids can be really mean, they don’t think about the long-term implications words can have.

I know this is so much easier said than done and it may even take some extra help. Talk to friends you can be sure will be supportive – there is absolutely no shame in needing to share the load of your troubles.

And if that isn’t enough, you may want to visit your GP and ask about cognitive behavioural therapy. It aims to teach you the best ways to tackle your anxieties with simple calming techniques. We all need a helping hand from time to time.

I think you will find that once you can proudly enter into a sexual situation, once you know that YOU are exactly what her fantasies are made of then that lucky lady will be getting aroused just by your self-confidence. It is a massive turn-on.

But when you’ve got her swooning and tearing your clothes off, make sure you are going in knowing what you’re doing – this is the next step to becoming a lothario that, again, does not rely on size.

There are so many ways to get a woman going. Whether you’re using your hands or your tongue, you can give her the big O without even worrying about what you’ve got down there. This can be foreplay or intermittently between intercourse.

Have a read, do some research, find out about all the different erogenous zones. And most importantly, never ever be afraid to ask her what she wants, what she likes. Let her guide you. The talking can be a turn-on for you both.

Also a lover who cares about your desires and won’t let their ego get in the way of asking is one who’ll keep you coming… back for more.

Not to mention the G-spot, a small spongy area about the size of a 5p coin when unstimulated, is on average only a couple of inches into the vagina – which means you are more than capable of hitting the spot!

Last, but certainly not least, if a woman makes you feel embarrassed for something entirely out of your control, is she really the kind of woman you want to be with whether it is for one night or a relationship?

You need to be with someone who loves you for all of you, who thinks every single bit of you – big or small – is hot. Everybody deserves that!

Go and get it on, you sexy thing!


Image courtesy of Jussi Mononen, with thanks.

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