A bizarre health and safety job advert has been topped – by the wannabe Manchester noise technicians who want to fill the position.
But job hopefuls have matched the listing with even stranger replies.
One applicant listed the fact they ‘have all of their own teeth’ as a key attribute to entice the would-be employers.
Other candidates made even stranger comments in a bid to catch the attention of head honcho Adam.
One applicant wrote: “I have been in engineering for thirty-plus years and would rather polish turds than spend another day standing here just watching a machine do its thing, hoping it goes wrong so I can turn my brain back on.”
Adam admitted he was a big fan of the person’s willingness to change career and the lengths they would go for it and he said: “I thought that one was great, he’s on my ‘to interview’ list off the back of that alone!”
Another hopeful believes he has the people skills to make a difference at the audio company and said: “I have a friend called John who lives in Wigan. Aside from being referred to as ‘Cock’, I have absolutely no problems communicating with him at all so you will be OK.”
And for one prospective employee, the fantasy of working for the audio specialists was just too tempting: “This is a request to The Overlord, Adam Jackson, to allow me to join your realm as a humble servant and knight to partake in your great quest to rid the nation of the nuisance of noise.”
Among other details, the ad contained threats to kill the previous employee who ‘turned traitor’ and bury them under the patio, warnings for Yorkshiremen about having to work under the ‘superior specimen’ Lancastrian boss and that the hours are ‘long and frankly rubbish’.
Not to be deterred, some applicants also had answers for those issues – with some concrete interest in the role.
“I also have my Class 2 HGV (licence) so could drive a cement mixer for you to help with the new patio and can be pretty handy using a shovel,” said an unnervingly enthusiastic candidate.
While others played up to regal viceroy Adam’s Wigan roots by slamming the Lancastrian’s traditional enemies – Yorkshiremen and southeners.
“Although I am from Yorkshire but don’t mind bowing down to our friends from Lancashire,” wrote one in direct response to Adam’s plea.
Another said: “At least I’m not a southerner – some bonus consideration there I think”
While a final letter had a fitting excuse for failing to attach the letter, and said: “In my haste to apply for the Noise Safety Technician vacancy last night I may have not included my own covering letter. As I am from Yorkshire I expect you will have not been surprised…”
But what lies ahead for those who pass Adam’s scrutiny of their cover letters? The dreaded interview and, true to form, the company are bringing their unique approach to that stage too – if they’ve not been headhunted before.
“Our interview technique does go a bit off the wall sometimes,” said Adam.
“One employee (David) didn’t know he wanted to be an employee and was working in a restaurant near Cardiff. I was impressed with him in there so offered him a job and he’s been here for years now.
“In the last round of interviews for an office person, we ended up conducting some of the interviews with a small dog sat on the chair between me and the candidate. It’s not intentional, honest!”
HSMC provide health and safety work with Formula One teams like Marussia, Lotus and Force India as well as RAF bases, other firms and hotels.
The job advert expires on August 17. https://jobsearch.direct.gov.uk/GetJob.aspx?JobID=8912617
Image courtesy of Channel 4 via YouTube, with thanks.