‘He’s in the corner doing smack with a helmet on his head’: MM’s Top 5 Gallagher brother insults and feuds

By Amy Lofthouse

No-one delivers an insult better than the Gallaghers.

Eighteen years in one of rock’s most iconic bands, and the subsequent acrimonious brotherly split, has given us a minefield of quotes from the brothers who speak first and engage their brains afterwards.

Ahead of Liam’s two homecoming shows this week at Manchester Academy, MM looks at the brothers’ top five insults.

No-one is safe.

5. Liam v Pete Doherty

Liam hit out at then-Libertines frontman Pete Doherty over his parenting skills. Both men have children with Lisa Moorish, and Liam was less-than-impressed to find that Pete had dumped his son Astile in favour of a weekend out with girlfriend Kate Moss and her daughter.

After an alleged bust-up when the two came face to face at Moorish’s house, Liam took great delight in mocking Pete’s ‘rockstar’ status.

“What does the word Libertine mean? Freedom!” he told the NME: “He’s in the corner doing smack with a helmet on his head. There’s nothing free about that. It’s nasty.”

4. Noel v Madonna

Noel has had somewhat of a love-hate relationship with the Queen of Pop. In an interview in 2008, Noel laid into Madonna’s fitness regime.

“Six hours! In a gym!” he declared to The Evening Standard. “You sleep for eight, right – so that’s 14 gone already. What do you do with your one hour off?

“Do you want to get so supple that you can eventually stick your own head up your arse?”

3. Liam v Bono

Liam has taken exception to many musical idols over the years, from George Harrison to Paul McCartney. The highlight of his displeasure came when he was interviewed about U2 frontman Bono.

Asked by The Telegraph about Bono’s charity work, Liam couldn’t contain his contempt.

“Play ‘One,’ shut the fuck up about Africa,” was his succinct reply.

2. Noel v Gary Neville

Noel is one of Manchester City’s most ardent supporters; he admitted he ‘cried like a baby’ when City won the league in 2012.

So when Gary Neville quoted Oasis in the build-up to that year’s derby clash, Noel was not amused.

Speaking to The Sun, Noel claimed he felt violated by Neville’s tweet.

“If Mr Neville continues to use the holy scriptures of Oasis to communicate with the Cockney massive, I shall be forced to come up to Cheshire in the middle of the night and break into his house.

“I will then tie him to a chair, make him listen to the ‘Best of Simply Red’ while I pull his tash out one grey hair at a time, with my teeth, liberate those Oasis CD’s and shit in his manbag. You have been warned!”

1. Noel v Liam

Even when they were in the same band, Noel and Liam couldn’t say a good word about one another. Noel described sitting next to Liam on a flight as ‘fifteen hours of mental torture’ whilst Liam happily told the world that he was a better singer than Noel.

The list of insults to choose from are endless, and Christmas at the Gallagher house must have been a laugh-a-minute when the two of them got going. But perhaps the best quote came in 2009, shortly after Oasis had disbanded.

Noel denounced his brother as rude, arrogant and lazy to magazine, and mocking Liam’s ‘turn to religion’ (“He thinks he’s Abel, for some weird reason. And I thought ‘right, well if you think you’re Abel, that must make me Cain. Didn’t Cain kill Abel?’”).

Liam accused Noel of plagiarising songs the two had worked on and declared he’d never work with his brother again. It was Noel, however, who delivered the funniest put-down of them all.

“Liam? He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”

Watch this space…

With the Gallagher’s never willing to pull their punches you can be sure that this list will be quick to change.

And with Robbie Williams taking a swipe at Liam for cheating on his wife Nicole Appleton retaliation shots are expected to be fired at any minute.

Williams told the Sun: “Nicole really doesn’t deserve all that from Liam. I’ve very, very fond memories of her. She’s a sweetie.”

Liam is yet to respond but when he does there is little doubt it’ll be with his typically aggressive and cutting Mancunian style.

Image courtesy of Fresschwill, with thanks

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