What makes a sandwich? Certainly bread and butter is a sandwich artist’s bread and butter.
Secondly, and most importantly, the filling.
Ham and cheese is always a safe bet.
In fact, these titans of bread separation often hold their own independently.
Prawn and mayo poses a slightly more avant-garde but no less respectable choice.
During the festive season, consumers have been known to favour a turkey and trimmings option.
Of course, there are vegetarian and vegan choices too.
Despite the myriad of meats, veggies and condiments available, one thing that has kept Britain united over recent struggles has been our shared ability to point at a sandwich, understand the formula, (bread, filling, bread), and name it with conviction.
But now 2020 brings another blow for Britain as this final bastion of sanity has been crushed by a poll which found that Britain’s favourite sandwich is… a burger.
The true tragedy is that this news broke just days before World Sandwich Day (November 3), somewhat sullying the celebrations.
Foodhub polled 2,000 Brits to find these grave results. Voters weren’t to choosy about what kind of burger it was they gorged on either, as beef or chicken took 25% of the votes, leading one to question the legitimacy of this poll.
Despairingly, an actual sandwich, the humble much-loved, reliable ham and cheese took second place with 23% of the votes, just ahead of cheese and pickle.
No word yet on whether the burger lovers were wary of dairy.
Any right-minded reader is likely asking exasperatedly, through mouthfuls of ham and cheese, how a burger managed to top a sandwich poll.
A Foodhub spokesman anticipated the controversy.
He said: “We expect that the burger being voted as Britain’s favourite sandwich is destined to stir much debate.”
Foodhub say they have done the necessary research, and assure us that a burger absolutely is a sandwich.
The definition of a sandwich as: generally any dish wherein bread serves as a container or wrapper for another food type, does technically cover the burger.
But what about the moral issues, the slippery slope?
If a Big Mac can now call itself a sandwich, where will this end?
Unfortunately, the writing is already on the wall.
The hotdog, certainly as a far from a sandwich as one can be whilst still touching bread, took 9% of the votes.
That makes it 2% more popular than the Lib Dems in 2017.
Somehow the kebab managed to secure 7%.
A silver lining, if any is to be found, lies in the middle ground of the poll, where many true sandwich icons reside.
The likes of the BLT, fish finger sandwich, and beef are to be found between 12-17%.
The chip butty was the 6th most popular, which seems almost sensible given the poll leader.
Understandably, this poll will lead to shock and consternation among sandwich purists.
Perhaps burger lovers will also be dismayed to learn that they have been eating sandwiches all this time.
Once again, the polls have shone an unwavering light on the harsh divisions in British society.
So, if a disastrous Brexit deal, a global pandemic and the threat of a double dip recession hasn’t ruined your year, now the sanctity of World Sandwich Day is well and truly toast.
And maybe next year toast will be a sandwich.